I Want a Mulligan

This past week was a complete cluster. I barely had time to brush my teeth let alone write. As a result, I was cranky. I woke in the middle of the night and scribbled ideas on the cover of magazines that were sitting on my nightstand, yet never had the chance to turn those thoughts into complete sentences. Such is life when you’re potty training. A toddler, not yourself. Well, maybe yourself, I don’t know how you do things in your family. I’m not judging. I’m just saying that in my family, the 3-year-old boy child has GOT to start depositing his huge man poops in the toilet or I’m sending him to live with his grandparents until he’s 10. It’s not just for my gag reflex, but for his safety. Because if he runs from me, yelling, “I’m pooping LEAVEMEALONE!!!!” one more time, it’s gonna get real up in here.

In addition, if dude doesn’t start using the potty and stop demanding his preschool teachers change his diaper when there is but an ounce of wetness, he may very well get kicked out of school. Preschoolers are required to be potty trained and despite my promise that Brady is “diaper trained,” he has made a fool of me. I’m sure this won’t be the last time, and I have a thick skin so I’ll bounce back, but for the love of everything holy, if he hates being wet that much, one would think the potty would be the answer to his pee-pee prayers. (I’m thinking that his preference to be sans clothes, not including socks, when he does his business will only hurt his preschool potty progress. Sigh.)

In the meantime, it’s time for another trip to the potty. I promise I’ll be back soon with a more substantial post that doesn’t discuss bodily functions or visits to the bathroom. Okay, I don’t promise because if, by the grace of the toilet gods, my son actually does make a #2 that we can flush instead of shove in a plastic bag and throw in the outside garbage can, you bet your sweet potty-trained arse you’re all gonna hear about it!!

9 thoughts on “I Want a Mulligan

  1. Oh I have so been there! I about pulled out all my hair with my 2 boys…when they could ask for privacy while the did their business in their pants was the last straw! Thanks for the memories and chuckle. It gets better…or at least different…as they get older. 😉

    • So mine isn’t the only boy who requests I leave him alone so he can soil himself? I threw him on the toilet after said request and he held it for 2 days, complained of a “hurting belly,” and I felt like the world’s worst mother.

  2. I am in the thick of this with you! My little A. turns 3 in about a week, and she just has such little desire to use the potty! She will jump off of a high vault into a foam pit, arms spread wide at her gymnastics class, but she is perfectly content to keep wearing diapers. She has tinkled in the toilet TWICE out of hundreds of attempts. I learned with my son to be consistent but not overly pushy. It eventually happened. These two head-strong kids have me going batty over things like this…
    Hang in there! I wish I had some magical technique to share with you, but alas, I have only Mommy empathy!
    I wrote about potty issues, too–so inspiring, huh? It was called “You Can Lead a Toddler to the Potty…”. The battle continues!

  3. Man poops. Brings back memories. I remember thinking, how can my little baby make just giant turds? The good news, is that he will get potty trained. My son is 9, and takes dumps in the potty. I’m so proud. They’re even bigger man poops though, and I know this because getting him to flush the toilet is an even bigger endeavor.


    • My husband barely flushes, so I don’t have high expectations for the boy child 🙂 Here’s hoping, though, that by the time he’s 9, he, too, will be on the toilet. So. Gross.

  4. Pingback: It’s Been a Log Week « WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion

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