We Put the FUN in Dysfunctional

Friends have often said my family should be filmed for a reality television show and not until this past week did I really understand why. Below are a few of the conversations that have taken place between members of my family:

After dinner one night, my mom turned on the radio and asked, “Is this Snoop Dogg? It sounds like Snoop Dogg.” My dad, who prides himself on his knowledge of pop culture (which he obtains via various shows on VH1 while working out on his beloved elliptical) snapped:

“This sounds NOTHING like that free-loader, no talent rapper SNOOP DOGG!! This is obviously Jay-Z. Jay-Z is married to Beyonce, has a kid with her, always wears boots, owns part of a basketball team, did that great song about New York with that girl who plays the piano, AND has kept it classy throughout his career. You canNOT say the same for that dope-smoking Snoop!”

Nothing says classy like basketball and boots.


Husband: Are the wolfs from “The 3 Little Pigs” and “Little Red Ridinghood” the same?

Me:  All I heard was “wolfs.”

Husband: WOLVES, whatever. Are they the same? Are they related?

Me: Are we seriously having this conversation?

Husband: I need to know because the kids might ask me one day and then what will I say?*

*Facebook friends weighed in and the final call: probably not. Each wolf dies at the end of their respective stories which makes the possibility of them being the same one slim. HOWEVER, a lovely lady who owns our local bookstore and is crazy smart added: “…the stories existed in the oral tradition long before they were ever recorded on paper, so no one knows the exact time of origin.” Glad we could clear that up. You’re welcome.


My brother, singing “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette:  It’s a paraaaaaade on your wedding day.
Me: Nope. Not at all.
Brother: Yes, she says it’s a parade.
Me: How is that ironic?
Brother: It’s a lot of traffic on your wedding day, and that’s really inconvenient for a day that’s supposed to be perfect. Ironic, no?

He has a point, I suppose.


Me: Did you watch the Presidential Debates?

Mom: Did you watch Dr. Phil?! Dina was a MESS!

Me: Who is Dina?

Mom: Lindsay Lohan’s mom!

Me: Who is Mitt Romney’s running mate?

Mom: Ooooh I saw him on the cover of some magazine! He lifts weights!

Priorities, people.

After reliving each of these moments, I can totally understand why a reality television show featuring mi familia could work. If anyone out there can contact VH1, which is obviously where we will obviously take down the Kardashians, let a girl know.

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