Are You There God? It’s Me, Zachary.

You know how sometimes it seems like the world is going to shit? 2012 certainly provided ample reminders of just how shitty shit can be. And as much as I wanted to blame the stupid Mayans, I found myself angry with God instead. An exhaustive list of the things that kept me in my pissy pants isn’t necessary, nor is it happy, and it would probably result in more curse words, so just trust me when I say that my faith had indeed been tested.

I begged and prayed for a sign, something to tell me we’re not spiraling out of control. Nothin‘. I told myself I was going to flip on the radio and find meaning in whatever song was playing. Nope. I was going to really, really pay attention in church and acknowledge a hidden message intended just for me. Nada.

After the most recent chapter in WTF is Happening?!, my husband found himself driving to a funeral home to pay his respects to an eleventh grade girl who, up until three days prior, was in his Statistics class. She was killed in a sled riding accident. That was Zach’s breaking point. The following is his story, but he gave me permission to write about it:

I turned out of our plan, the whole time thinking, “What kind of God allows something like this to happen?! This girl was BRIGHT. She kept a prayer-book! She was an athlete. She doesn’t deserve this. Her poor family. Why would God take her?!” I’m focused on my thoughts, but I can’t help noticing how SLOWLY the car in front of me is going. Now I’m angry at God and at this damn car!! COME ON!!!

While everyone else in the world is making New Year’s Eve plans, these parents are planning to bury their daughter. I had her older brother in class a few years ago. And she has a twin sister. Such a nice family. Kids aren’t even safe sled riding any more?! So unfair. WHAT IS THIS FREAKING CAR DOING???????? My blood is boiling!

The car and I finally get to the intersection where I hope we go our separate ways. It’s crawling to the stop sign, like, mocking me. When it finally gets there, it stops. And sits. And sits some more. I’m ready to lose my mind! And then I see it. Staring me in the face…

The second I read it, the car took off. It was my turn to just sit there. Did that really just happen? Okay. Okay. I get it. I hear You.

When Zach told me about this story, I’ll  admit I was a little miffed: where was MY sign?! Then I unzipped and took off my pissy pants; I realized the husband was my sign. God may have spoken to him, but I got the message loud and clear.