So, I Peed on my Kid.

The fam and I took a trip to Burgatory today. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it, mostly for the milkshakes. Mmmmmm…

Anyhoo, the kids behaved fairly well, ate their meals without trying to feed strangers at the table next to us, and didn’t even spill anything! It was, without a doubt, one of our more successful outings.

At least it was until I peed on my daughter.

Ella announced she had to go potty. Despite her not actually using the potty (she sits on it fully clothed and sometimes does her business in her diaper, other times she just sits there grinning like a Granny at Bingo), I granted her request and off we went.

The bathroom is beautifully tiled from floor to ceiling with extra special touches exactly at eye level as you’re seated atop the throne. As you faithful readers know, I use the hover method because it’s the clean and convenient option when using a public facility. So there I was, hovering, trying to engage my 20-month-old, but unable to take my eyes off of what appeared to be jewels spackled  onto the walls. Who decorated this place?! Michelangelo?!

Me: Is that an emerald?

Daughter: Hi, Mommy’s bum. Uh-oh.

We all know that “uh oh” is toddler speak for “it’s too late.” And too late it was.

She was either trying to assist with the clean-up process or mistook me for a bathtub with running water. Regardless, I peed on my daughter today.

March me over to that real sink and wash this mess off. Unacceptable!

March me over to that real sink and wash this mess off. Unacceptable!

And how are you spending your Saturday?!

Oh! I forgot: I have no chance of winning or even placing this year, but it is super duper to be among the nominees of the Top 25 Funny Moms. If you feel like casting a vote and you’re kind enough to cast it for me, click below! (I may be listed under pending as I was a late addition!)

36 thoughts on “So, I Peed on my Kid.

  1. How am I spending my Saturday? Well, I completely failed to p*ss on one of my own, but hey, there’s always next weekend, right?
    In other news – How am I spending my Saturday did entail me sobbing with two grown men… so urinating on someone probably would have been the wiser option. Meh x

      • Mortified 😦 So sorry for that response. I now know that despite being so drunk I don’t remember anything after dishing up the meal, not remembering having a nervous breakdown in front of my friends (for no reason) and having to be heavily consoled, not remembering my guests leaving, not remembering how I got to bed… it’s heartening to know I managed to go online and comment on your blog post. Great thing is – you may not be the only one. Oh my. Mortified. At least you provided a vital clue to my ‘lost weekend’. Think ‘The Hangover’ but no tigers, no tattoos and sadly, none of the men looking like Bradley Cooper.

        • Don’t you dare be mortified! I don’t judge and one day I may come to you and blurt out something embarrassing (even more so than what I write about?) and I’ll need you not to judge me either 🙂 OH, and everyone needs the kind of fall-down-I-forget-if-I-took-out-my-contacts kind of night. Woulda been a lot cooler had Bradley Cooper been there when you woke up, though 😉 Hope you’re feeling better!!!

  2. Just another one of those things you can share when she is a teenager with friends over. lol And what is it about toddlers in the bathroom? Mine used to do that too and I would always tell them to GET away from my butt! Come around in front of me! (voted for ya)

  3. I am with Stacy and have had the opposite occur and have gotten peed on by one of my kids at different times, but never the other way around. Very funny though and thanks for sharing!! 🙂

  4. This was hilarious!! Especially when I got to the “hover method” part…and I wondered why your faithful readers would know that about you!! Then, I clicked on that and read your previous, very hilarious post about your Dad!

    I was taught the “put-toilet-paper-on-the-seat” method…so I’ve never peed on my son, but about six-months ago, I was in the Ladies room at the Panda Inn, our favorite Chinese buffet…and liquid began pouring out on the floor in the next stall…seems the lady in there was not exactly “hovering” over the toilet bowl properly…because she says, “Gee, the hole is huge, you wouldn’t think I would miss it, would you!!” I just laughed, and never thought I’d have a reason to discuss it again!

    Until I read your blog! Thanks for the laugh!!

  5. Oh that’s classic! With 3 boys, I’ve had plenty of times (when they were babies) when they peed on me, but never the reverse…sounds like you took it all in stride!

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