Conversations with a Toddler

Since having kids, I’ve found myself saying some ri-donk-ulous things. This is a collection of conversations I never thought I would have. Be sure to check back because as long as my kids are talking, this list will be growing. Join the party and add your funny convos in the comments!


“Do not pull on your brother’s peeper!”


To the UPS delivery person (or anyone who dares to come to my house during nap time): “The doorbell isn’t broken; we just don’t use it between the hours of 1-3. You wake’em, you take’em!”


“Sliding boards are not for licking.”


“No, you may not ride the dog.”


“Is that a raisin? Reeses Puff? Someone taste it.”


“Come here, let me sniff your butt.”


“That’s okay, just wipe it on your shirt.”


“Please don’t put another person’s foot in your mouth.”


“It is NOT okay to swim in the dog’s water bowl. OR the toilet.”


“So, you’ll taste your boogers, but not my dinner?”


Toddler: “Dammit.”

Parent: “That’s not a nice word. You shouldn’t say it.”

Toddler: “You do.”


Toddler: “Where do families come from?”

Parent: “Ummm…”

Toddler: “God, right?”

Parent: “Yes, good answer!”

Toddler: “So where do the kids come from?”

Parent: “……..”

Toddler: “Jesus, huh?”

Parent: “Yep! Another good answer!”

Toddler: “I have ‘yots’ of good answers.”


Parent: “Should we have another baby?”

Toddler: “No. We already have one baby.”

Parent: “But your sister is getting so big. Shouldn’t we have another tiny, cuddly baby?”

Toddler thinks this over and: “No, because I can only be mean to Ella, not a baby.”


Dad: Do you want to lie down for a little bit?

Toddler: Nope. I’m fresh as a daisy!

Dad: Fresh as a daisy?! Where did you hear that?

Toddler: Daisy.

Dad: Yeah, but WHO told you that?

Toddler: Daisy.

Dad: But–


Toddler: Yeah, after she had a sleepover with Minnie. She said, “I’M FRESH AS A DAISY!”

A Toddler’s version of Who’s on First?Β 


Toddler: Can we go throw snowballs?

Parent: First we have to run some errands.

Toddler: But I don’t WANT to run errands!!!!!!

Parent: Well you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

Toddler: I don’t want cake. I want to throw snowballs.


Walking down the basement steps, Parent says: Hold onto the railing, please.

Toddler: Every time you request that, I say “I am, Mom.” And I’ll say it again now: I am, Mom.

Parent: Did you just say “request?”

Toddler: Yep.

Parent: That gets you a pass for the attitude. Well played.

Toddler: Fanks. (Thanks in Toddler-ese)


Toddler: I made you lunch. Here are some cupcakes.

Mom: Cupcakes for lunch? Shouldn’t we eat something healthy first?

Toddler: The healthy food is for the mans. The womans eat cupcakes.

Mom: Why do the women have to eat the fatty foods?

Toddlers: Well, womans like fat. Especially moms.

20 thoughts on “Conversations with a Toddler

  1. Cute! “let me sniff your butt”. Haha, I dont have kids yet myself, but I have found myself smelling some weird things now that I have a puppy!

  2. I have to add one from the mouth of my little girl while she was perched atop her greatest adversary, the potty: does he (our toddler neighbor) have a pointy butt like L. (her 7-year old brother)? What in the world was a pointy butt, I wondered. I asked her if she meant the part in the front…yep, and she demonstrated with her own hand where it would be on her own anatomy. I’d never heard the male “part” described as a pointy butt. I wish I had kept track of more things my kids have said…it’s rich.

  3. I do some link up posts called “Fly on the Wall”. This would be perfect for that format. You can check them out on my blog and if you want to link up with us when we do the next one, let me know, I’ll send you an email explaining it.

  4. Fab! I may have to steal this idea and start recording the little chats we have. The best question ever –
    Who hung the sun in the sky? How did they get it up there without burning their hands?

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